Has it really been... wow. Yeah, it's been two months since I posted last. Damn.
Happy Beltane!
STATE OF ME AND HOW THAT IMPACTS MY WORK
Coming off a stressful month-- travel, even when it's to a fun con, is stressful, concert season doubly so, I'm trying to make decisions with no experience to base them on (the WORST), and then I re-organized the kitchen (which is MY SAFE SPACE thank you and goodDAY) so that left me jangled as well.
I also had grand jury duty (as an alternate) three full days in March. Interesting but emotionally taxing.
Lately I've been feeling like a bad friend for ignoring several people who matter to me because I just haven't had the emotional energy to reach out. That does not help me feel creative. Meh.
Way back in March, I took a weekend for a writing retreat with a friend that gave me most of my book productivity for the past two months AND allowed me to draft two new short stories and some character development for several more, so that was excellent and delightful. I just got feedback on one of them this week. Also reorganized how I store my short stories this week, and discovered I have at least two dozen or more stories in the universe my first book is in, and WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN MARKETING THOSE? Ahem. I have some work to do.
Was deeply struck by something my crit partners were talking about last night, and I want to talk about that later.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED/PRACTICED OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS
Practice: I've been practicing balancing self-care with staying aware; political action (the standing on sidewalks with signs and the calling the representatives in Washington and the making political donations kind) with making forward progress on a book that feels foolhardy in the current climate but necessary for my own mental health.
There are days it works better than others.
Wrote up lessons learned during the mini retreat and during Norwescon.
Slimhorn & Wren work: Bought Vellum and learned how to use it to do basic layout; laid manuscript out. Imported interior illustrations.
Researched price points and distribution, wasted time looking for and choosing a cover font and then discovered licensing it would be prohibitively expensive. Picked BISAC codes, wrote back cover copy again and asked for feedback on it.
I. Hate. Making. Decisions.
I. Hate. Doing. Things. For. The First. Time.
And I've been trying to breathe through it and just make one decision a day. But that thing that my crit sisters were talking about -- that when you love learning and growing, and you choose to learn and grow, you feel fulfilled. You don't need to compare yourself to others' successes or require validation from outside sources. (I'm butchering their words, but that's the gist).
I realized I had the opportunity to view what I'm doing as learning and growing, and that I'd be so much better off if I could approach it that way. Not as "omighod I'm going to make the wrong decision" but "what can I learn about this today, and if I choose this particular direction, what can I learn from it going forward?" To view the decisions I'm making not as potential mistakes but instead potential learning opportunities.
To be less obtuse about it: I've been beating my head against the wall this week re-learning about e-book distribution, and trying to decide how to proceed. Do I choose, say, D2d (Draft to Digital) to distribute my books? Or IngramSpark? Or StreetLib? Which one does arc/ review copies? I was winding myself up about it, when I could just say, "hey, I want to be kind to myself, so for this first book, what if I just have D2D distribute my books, and see what I learn from that? Or I could try to learn the process for uploading to the big four and left D2D do the others. Which learning process am I up for?
Because I'll have another learning opportunity next year. It's a minor thing but I could HEAR my blood pressure dropping just thinking about it that way.
WHAT I WANT TO LEARN AND PRACTICE NEXT WEEK/MONTH
That. Keeping a learning and growing mindset.
Also, shipping out short stories every week.
WHAT I'VE BEEN READING and WHAT I'VE APPRECIATED/LEARNED FROM IT
Read the Nebula short story nominees and a few other short stories recommended to me. Learned viscerally that horror is huge right now, and since it's not really my genre that was a bummer; but those authors do it WELL. A few of those will stick with me for awhile, and I do appreciate that skill.
Read Coyote's Run and The Poisons We Drink and loved both of them for different reasons. Coyote's Run is short and cathartic and taut and lovely especially if you're into monster-killing (the monsters, in this case, are human). Highly recommend.
The Poisons We Drink made me think of the choices parents make to try to protect the next generation that don't always turn out the way they were intended--in fact, sometimes turn wrong in harmful ways. The author makes a single choice that annoyed me, but it's a book with teen protagonists, and a book for that audience with only ONE choice that annoys this old woman is actually damn fine. A nice coming of age for those who don't want cozy sweetness (it's a harsh world with harsh consequences).
PROJECTS STATUS UPDATE
A DUBIOUS HOPE: I completely laid out A Dubious Hope three times in Vellum, then exported it into word and printed it out so I could read it one last time. I need arc readers so it may go out to them as I do this.
THWARTED: dabbled in rewriting early scenes.
Short Stories: Wrote two new ones and ran one through Wordos.
Submissions and rejections so far this year: six and six.
Marketing: Lots of research, a few decisions made, some ideas bubbling that I'm actually happy about, no budget set yet.
Next steps: picking a marketing plan and starting work on it.
Meeting with the cover artist.
Actually uploading arcs and asking for reviews.
Deciding on a distributor and creating an account.
Entering the metadata.
S&W work : pretty much all of the above Next Steps, and putting due dates on all of them.
May 1, 2025
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