Analysis epiphany

I asked Eric Witchey to check if my use of his EDACE was acceptable. (He said it was). He noted that I should ensure my analysis of other works was useful to me in my own writing. (Actually, what he said was a bit more complicated and far more articulate; that's my oversimplification.)

During the correspondence I stumbled over an old epiphany.

I quote examples because they let me "see" the images I took from the story, and  in my head those images answer the question I'm asking. But it doesn't make the answer clear to a reader, who cannot see into my head. (Thank your lucky stars for dodging that fugly chaotic sight). 

So I'm having the same problem here as I'm having in my fiction, especially my shorts. I can "see" what I'm describing but the readers can't.  I haven't given readers the right words, or enough of the right words, on the page.  That doesn't mean I'll need more words -- I must pick carefully what I describe and how. It's a grand reminder why analysis of others' work is so important and useful in improving one's own writing. Thank you, Eric!

So, for instance, in "Mulberry Boys," the author's verb choices make George's predicament seem more immediate and compelling; active present tense verbs help put and keep the reader in George’s skin. Her vocabulary choices for his dialogue and internal narrative underscore the reader’s belief in his age, mood, lack of education and reliance upon himself and the forest. Her choices for Phillip's dialogue do the same for his education, mood, values. She relies more on adjectives to describe him, however, or rather as she has George describe him.

Also, what's not there: George's physical description is irrelevant to the story, so it's not there. (Though I was bumped near the end, when he was physically so much stronger than Phillips; my mental image was less burly and more wiry.) The author only describes the things essential to the story: bits that give us Phillips' status and wealth relative to George, George's skills, Phillips' skills, the forest's mood, details of John Barn that show what's been done to him, the surgical tools from George's point of view, the mulberry leaves, the ruined and clean silk,  the roaring river.