Tears in May, but also some lovely art

 Accountability and progress report, May 2025 edition

State of me and how that impacts my work

Scattered, today, which has made productivity VERY difficult. Distracted by the state of the world, a friend's health issues. Made my calls to Senators and Representative this morning.

I took a break mid-day and went for a short walk in the sunshine, and that helped. But this afternoon I was trying to set up online access to two different accounts and... both are finally working, but the problem was my brain and the details I was not paying attention to. That's never reassuring.

To be fair, May was not been the easiest month. We lost the last of our elderly cats early in May, unexpectedly and painfully, and my partner and I agreed to clear the house of all cat things in preparation for a deep house clean and a few months cat-free, and then adopting kittens later this year. A lot of our cat furniture was old, and the house was excessively cat-focused, and it was easier for me to divest of everything and plan to spoil new kittens with new gear than to pick and choose what I was keeping. I kept a few keepsake toys, but ... let's just say the local humane society was Very Happy. I am very grateful to the friend who picked everything up and delivered it for me, so I didn't have to see cats available for adoption right now. Can't do it.

May is also the month of my father's birth and death days (Memorial Day) and my late grandmother's birthday. So. Yeah. There's that.

Cat grief is easier.

Bookwise, it has been a learning and detail month. Lots more Vellum practice, with some publication detail work: metadata; proofing, converting to curly quotes and em-dashes, and a side of rewriting four scenes that I've never been happy with because of the information flow and repetitious character actions/thoughts.

 

Had one extremely panicked moment where I re-flowed the text into the manuscript and the book was suddenly 80 pages longer!!! That impacts spine width, and since I have a wraparound cover for book one, that was a big heart attack. Created a new file and tried it again later and it's more in line with what I originally saw. So. Phew.

Speaking of which, I have an artist for the cover for A Dubious Hope and he has sent me preliminary designs and ... my jaw is till on the desk. I am over the moon with his design. Can't wait to share it! 

What I've learned/practiced over the past month

Practice: Been focusing on LEARNING MINDSET. I don't have to get everything right. I just have to learn from what I'm doing. Let's just say it's been a month full of opportunities to learn.

Bookwise: In addition to the above, I finally broke the book into chapters, and ... it just naturally fell into a dozen or so chapters. Just worked. I'm not in love with the chapter titles, but I'll live. Also condensed my World Encyclopedia from 80 pages to something the artist might actually be able to use. 

I still have next to no arc readers or beta readers, and that's been really chewing on my brain. I do have to get one copy out asap.

Decisions made: going to do paperback in addition to ebook, going to release Aug. 25 (mom's birthday).

Took a short story class through Apex, from Lavie Tidhar. 

Tidbits: Defamiliarisation (a 1917 term): presenting the familiar as alien. Describe something in a way that makes you question it.  SCI FI has to do the opposite: make the alien familiar.  Also, stories should open like a flower, and the ending should change how you look at the beginning.  It was a 90-minute class that sold me on his soon-to-be-published short story, and reassured me that I have a grasp on what I'm doing except, perhaps, for emotional core. Which isn't grand.

What I want to practice next week/month

Continue with a Learning Mindset. 

Continue to set up accounts with distributors, and work on getting arc copies to readers.

Get back into both drafting some new work AND marketing some short stories. I didn't send a single submission in May.

What I've been reading and what I've appreciated/learned from it

I started reading a young adult novel in a world I appreciate and I think I would have liked it better had I been in a better brain-space, so I'm not naming it as a DNF. I was annoyed at the character for behavior that's perfectly normal in YA. Grumpy old reader shakes fist at clouds, no news at 11. 

Also started to read Careless People, a non-fiction book about Facebook from a former employee. Mildly horrifying so far. Might drive me off Facebook as well.

Projects status update

A DUBIOUS HOPE: Cover in progress. Production (layout, proofing) in progress. 

THWARTED:  On hold until ADH is finished. Toying with TWICE THWARTED as a title.

A DEEP BUT MODEST APIQUAI: With editor

Short Stories: Nada.

Submissions and rejections so far this year: still six and six.

Marketing: Did some reading and chatting in the SFWA indie group, and discovered that ads are not recommended until book four.  Well then.

Next steps: Find out what I need to do INSTEAD of ads.

S&W work: Working on a basic placeholder logo.

Other: Critted six short stories for Wordos.

Writing and Accountability Post, March-April edition

 Has it really been... wow. Yeah, it's been two months since I posted last. Damn.

Happy Beltane!

STATE OF ME AND HOW THAT IMPACTS MY WORK

Coming off a stressful month-- travel, even when it's to a fun con, is stressful, concert season doubly so, I'm trying to make decisions with no experience to base them on (the WORST), and then I re-organized the kitchen (which is MY SAFE SPACE thank you and goodDAY) so that left me jangled as well. 

I also had grand jury duty (as an alternate) three full days in March. Interesting but emotionally taxing.

Lately I've been feeling like a bad friend for ignoring several people who matter to me because I just haven't had the emotional energy to reach out. That does not help me feel creative. Meh.

Way back in March, I took a weekend for a writing retreat with a friend that gave me most of my book productivity for the past two months AND allowed me to draft two new short stories and some character development for several more, so that was excellent and delightful. I just got feedback on one of them this week. Also reorganized how I store my short stories this week, and discovered I have at least two dozen or more stories in the universe my first book is in, and WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN MARKETING THOSE? Ahem. I have some work to do.

Was deeply struck by something my crit partners were talking about last night, and I want to talk about that later.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED/PRACTICED OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS

Practice: I've been practicing balancing self-care with staying aware; political action (the standing on sidewalks with signs and the calling the representatives in Washington and the making political donations kind) with making forward progress on a book that feels foolhardy in the current climate but necessary for my own mental health. 

There are days it works better than others.

Wrote up lessons learned during the mini retreat and during Norwescon.

Slimhorn & Wren work: Bought Vellum and learned how to use it to do basic layout; laid manuscript out. Imported interior illustrations.

Researched price points and distribution, wasted time looking for and choosing a cover font and then discovered licensing it would be prohibitively expensive. Picked BISAC codes, wrote back cover copy again and asked for feedback on it. 

I. Hate. Making. Decisions.
I. Hate. Doing. Things. For. The First. Time.

And I've been trying to breathe through it and just make one decision a day. But that thing that my crit sisters were talking about -- that when you love learning and growing, and you choose to learn and grow, you feel fulfilled. You don't need to compare yourself to others' successes or require validation from outside sources.  (I'm butchering their words, but that's the gist). 

I realized I had the opportunity to view what I'm doing as learning and growing, and that I'd be so much better off if I could approach it that way. Not as "omighod I'm going to make the wrong decision" but "what can I learn about this today, and if I choose this particular direction, what can I learn from it going forward?" To view the decisions I'm making not as potential mistakes but instead potential learning opportunities. 

To be less obtuse about it: I've been beating my head against the wall this week re-learning about e-book distribution, and trying to decide how to proceed. Do I choose, say, D2d (Draft to Digital) to distribute my books? Or IngramSpark? Or StreetLib? Which one does arc/ review copies? I was winding myself up about it, when I could just say, "hey, I want to be kind to myself, so for this first book, what if I just have D2D distribute my books, and see what I learn from that? Or I could try to learn the process for uploading to the big four and left D2D do the others. Which learning process am I up for?

Because I'll have another learning opportunity next year. It's a minor thing but I could HEAR my blood pressure dropping just thinking about it that way.

WHAT I WANT TO LEARN AND PRACTICE NEXT WEEK/MONTH

That. Keeping a learning and growing mindset.

Also, shipping out short stories every week.

WHAT I'VE BEEN READING and WHAT I'VE APPRECIATED/LEARNED FROM IT

Read the Nebula short story nominees and a few other short stories recommended to me. Learned viscerally that horror is huge right now, and since it's not really my genre that was a bummer; but those authors do it WELL. A few of those will stick with me for awhile, and I do appreciate that skill. 

Read Coyote's Run and The Poisons We Drink and loved both of them for different reasons. Coyote's Run is short and cathartic and taut and lovely especially if you're into monster-killing (the monsters, in this case, are human). Highly recommend.
The Poisons We Drink made me think of the choices parents make to try to protect the next generation that don't always turn out the way they were intended--in fact, sometimes turn wrong in harmful ways. The author makes a single choice that annoyed me, but it's a book with teen protagonists, and a book for that audience with only ONE choice that annoys this old woman is actually damn fine. A nice coming of age for those who don't want cozy sweetness (it's a harsh world with harsh consequences).

PROJECTS STATUS UPDATE

A DUBIOUS HOPE: I completely laid out A Dubious Hope three times in Vellum, then exported it into word and printed it out so I could read it one last time. I need arc readers so it may go out to them as I do this.

THWARTED: dabbled in rewriting early scenes.

Short Stories: Wrote two new ones and ran one through Wordos. 

Submissions and rejections so far this year: six and six.

Marketing: Lots of research, a few decisions made, some ideas bubbling that I'm actually happy about, no budget set yet.

Next steps: picking a marketing plan and starting work on it. 

 Meeting with the cover artist.

  Actually uploading arcs and asking for reviews. 

  Deciding on a distributor and creating an account.

  Entering the metadata.

S&W work : pretty much all of the above Next Steps, and putting due dates on all of them.

                                                                                                                                                                   May 1, 2025

Accountability post, Feb. 8-25. Ow, I fell off the weekly posting wagon.

State of me and how that impacts my work

WELL, there's this national shitshow writ international now, so there's that.
Some friends with health issues, trying to help them as I can.

Feeling a bit worn thin - no. Feeling pulled in six directions at once, which means it's hard to stop and focus on my work, and that means creative work is suffering. 

Had two jury duty days in that period. I'm on grand jury this season, as an alt, so ... can't talk about it obviously, but that has been interesting and mildly depressing.

I HAVE been doing some piecemeal learning-necessary-things and wedging in shorter tasks, which I haven't had the energy for before, so I guess I'm picking up a little bit? And every task I cross off makes me realize I have made progress, so that helps.

Had a nice convo with my editor; she's starting work on book three. 

Started re-reading a single character's arc in the two books I have finished because I need a better culmination of her arc in book two.
 
Did some revision work on a short story, decided it didn't fit the call I was prepping it for and... kinda dropped it. Wrote a short flash piece tonight in two hours. That was delightfully fun (prompt piece for my crit group's spring reading) and it gave me an idea for ways to generate short stories in my universe.
 
Did some business-related stuff.

Have started using FOREST again (it's a "focus" app, you can't use your phone while your plants grow). There very silly focus challenge, where you earn a new plant by "planting" a certain number of plants for a certain amount of time each day, has been RIDCULOUSLY helpful this month. I really wanted their Lily of the Valley (they're calling it a bellflower but I know what I see and I wants it and I GOT IT. Yay me.)

Small joys. Small joys help a lot right now. *wry smile*

What I've learned/practiced this week/over the past two weeks: 
 A lot, actually. 

Downloaded Vellum and have been playing with it for the past two days. It's bog-simple except for the things that aren't; i.e., it expects Chapters to be Chapter Headed, and ... my book isn't formatted that way, so that was a headache. Was useful in that I had to think about sectioning the book into parts, and where those breaks would be and why was a nice arc tool. 

Also discovered that layout is a great way to find typos. 
So many typos.

Updated my Goodreads account (oh the dust was thick on that one) and realized I can't get an author page there until I publish.  

Watched several IBPA videos on metadata and figured out how to populate my ISBN metadate properly. 

Watched a presentation on marketing reels and took notes and got ideas for things this introvert can do to market without putting myself out there.

Checked out the SFWA discord thread on independent publishing and have been learning from the folks there.

Learned more about Squarespace's services and decided it would be better and cheaper to do a Mailchimp mailing list right now (not the best service, I know, but I'm familiar with Mailchimp and my learning slots are full).

What I want to practice next week:
 Self-care, and by that I mean refilling the well by doing creative things.
 More political action and less political social media.
 Organization, because... taxes are coming.

What I've been reading and what I've appreciated/learned from it:
 Finished KB Spangler's Digital Divide, part of her Rachel Pang series. I'm very much appreciating the world she's created. Maybe I'm noticing more how the characters -- though they're in a horrible situation-- in many ways are making the best of it and finding joy as they can, and that resonates with me right now.  There's action and mystery and over the top tech and... ghosts? Ghosts. I came to the books from the online graphic novel/s (it starts here: https://agirlandherfed.com/1.1.html) which feel more cozy and less ... bloody? perhaps because they're drawings. 

Projects status update:
Books:  A Dubious Hope and Thwarted: re-reading a character's arc because I have to wrap it better in Thwarted. I mean, I have an idea....

      Next steps: finish that read with some notes. Write a short story or two about her backstory. Outline the relationship arc I want her to interact with. Write her final scene.

Short stories:  Wrote a new one tonight, worked on revising an old one a week or so ago. 
Next steps: submit three more short stories by March 15.

Submissions so far this year:  Six.

Rejections this year:  Five.

Marketing:  Just lots of research so far. I think I've decided not to hire marketing yet?
Next steps: decide where to focus my energy between now and June.

S&W work:  Lots of learning and prep work, renewed my business registration. 
Next steps: Finalize cover design and enter my metadata now that I have it.

Writing update and accountability post Feb. 7

Lots of non-writing bits of the writing life in this Jan 19-Feb. 7 period. Been learning, or rather re-learning a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with writing, but has to do with the writing business. 

State of me and how that impacts my work

Bouncing between depression and fury, political action, local caretaking and paralysis. So, yannow, like everyone else in the U.S. in the last 20 days or so. Been making calls to my Senators and Representative.

All of that makes writing very hard for me personally. Been supporting another writer whose work is flowing in amazing bursts of story; supporting my regular writing community, trying to overcome the "who needs my book in this world" self-defeatism myself. Apparently I need my book, so I'm starting to move forward, if slowly. 

Also had jury duty orientation. Did some volunteer work for my choir. Sang some. Had friends over for dinner, visited another friend and took her to appointments, checked in on a few friends. 

Reviewed my publication plan and created an updated list of tasks. 

Changed the backend of my website slightly to shift away from google and create emails based off my website. Had to do that before I could do anything else because I wanted the emails working.

 Renewed my membership in the Independent Book Publisher's Association, and purchased a block of 100 ISBNs with the discount that comes with that membership. (Which saved me about half the cost of their membership fee, and that was just one discount, so I'm pleased). Most people won't need that many, but I have three books at various states of being ready, and each format-- audiobook, MOBI, EPUB, AZW, PDF, trade paperback and hardcover if you're doing that-- requires a separate ISBN number. They come in bundles of 10 or 100, so three books times seven is 21 (I won't be doing all seven but I already can see I need more than 10, so.)  I waffled on getting them and how many to buy for MONTHS, so getting my membership and buying them had become this huge mental hurdle. And, like most procrastinated tasks that feel like mountains, it took me a grand total of 15 minutes to actually make the purchase and ensure it had gone through and I had access to them.

Will I learn from this? Probably not.

In between doing that I submitted four short stories, critted six stories for others, straightened out a miscommunication with my editor about book three (only a minor panic attack, that) and got two rejections. 

What I've learned/practiced this week

- One foot in front of the other. 

- Don't tear your allies down, especially when you must confront a multi-faceted enemy. You fight your fight and let them fight theirs. You can't know which attack will be the most effective, and we're all the most motivated to fight for the things that matter the most to us.

- You can make political calls even if your voice shakes and you cry. 

- Quoi qu'il en soit (what that it some is/might be) means "regardless" or "be that as it may." 

- Joy is essential, even in hell. Feed your joy.

What I've been reading and what I've appreciated/learned from it

Finished reading both Teller of Small Fortunes and The Serviceberry this week. 

I appreciated the warm coziness of Teller of Small Fortunes, the sweetness of the characters and the sense of "little people lost in a big world who still make a difference for each other." Leong wrapped up loose ends from various adventures in satisfying ways, and created endearing characters with relatable flaws and needs--an ensemble cast I wanted to succeed.  Each of the character's desires were clarified in dialogue, narrative and action at various points during the story, so there was no hitting over the head with a single block of "as you know Bob" explanation. A novel gives one the space to do that, but the reminder that all three are useful to reinforce character is a good one.

Wall Kimmerer's Serviceberry is an expanded essay, an exploration of an alternate economy with a botanical example -- the serviceberry- at its core. As a plea for ecological sanity in a country gone nuts with capitalistic crypto fever, it feels both well-timed and ... sad. I could have enjoyed reading this much more during a Harris administration. But alternative economies may get us through yet, so I recommend it. Her descriptions of interconnected communities made me think about the assumptions I'd made about the communities in my own writing and how my background had colored how I'd drawn them AND what I'd left off the page and might want to at least hint at in a better fashion.

Projects status update

      Books: Updated publication plan. 

Next step: finish new intro to THWARTED.

      Short stories: Four more submissions, two more rejections.

Next step: More submissions, write more tie-in ss.

      Marketing: Next step: research hire versus DIY

      S&W work: Everything listed above; website update, IBPA renewal, ISBN purchases, educational vids.

Next step: Metadata gathering and give to ISBN registrar and ... Amazon? I guess? Research metadata.  Also finalize cover design.